My life is stupid and embarrassing, so I think I’m going to start writing about the really lame stuff like it’s part of a cool novel.
“I can just hold it like a football,” he said as he cradled the sandwich in his long, simian arm—knocking a bottled beverage from the delicate hand of the woman standing behind him. He had yet to leave the line of payment, but already the moronic meal carrier had managed to do more for the thirsty lady’s dedication to abstinence than an entire team of Tim Tebows ever could.
