May 2012
51 posts
A deli employee bet me an egg sandwich that “The Brian” James will win the NBA Championship this year. Here’s hoping I don’t win on a very uncomfortable to explain technicality.
May 30th
3 notes
2 tags
May 29th
May 28th
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May 28th
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May 28th
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2 tags
New rap name: Josh
This is a legal document.
May 27th
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I tried to go fishing today, but left my reel at the store, making it impossible to catch anything but the eye of those who disapproved of a man riding the subway with a bag of already defrosted bait. I still like the idea of casting out into the heavily polluted waters I’ve come to know and love, but if it ever leads me to think “at least I’m not pleasuring myself in front of...
May 26th
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May 26th
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May 25th
71 notes
3 tags
May 25th
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May 24th
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May 24th
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If we made eye contact, how long would it take you to ditch Andrew Garfield and come back for me? I can probably only lay down in the middle of the road while clutching my heart in ecstasy for another hour tops.
May 23rd
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May 23rd
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May 23rd
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When I don't know what those moving images I see...
whatshouldwecallthese: Mini-movies? Pictions? Repeatures? I don’t know.
May 22nd
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May 22nd
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May 22nd
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May 21st
6 notes
1 tag
May 20th
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May 19th
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I’ve watched more soccer, hammered more nails, and paid for coffee with more bloodstained dollar bills today than ever before in my life.
May 19th
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A .GIF of my cold, cold heart warming up to moving images that aren’t videos.
May 18th
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May 18th
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May 18th
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May 17th
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May 16th
5 notes
1 tag
May 16th
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May 15th
May 15th
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May 14th
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May 12th
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May 12th
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May 11th
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If someone can explain to me how Swedish Fish give you bad breath, I’ll give you a hard time and ultimately convince myself that you’re lying.
May 11th
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May 11th
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May 10th
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May 10th
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I had a minor anxiety attack about dying of methyl salicylate poisoning after putting the recommended amount of Icy Hot on my forearm, if any of you guys were interested in doing hardcore drugs with me.
May 10th
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May 9th
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May 8th
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May 7th
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May 7th
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“‘Friday Night Lights’ makes my Saturday bright.”
– Something everyone has thought at least once, so shut up.
May 6th
8 notes
1 tag
May 6th
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May 4th
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May 3rd
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Waka Flocka Flame or David Foster Wallace?
Girl with Curious Hair Let Dem Guns Blam A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again Hard in da Paint Drugs Answers: 1. David Foster Wallace, 2. Waka Flocka Flame, 3. David Foster Wallace, 4. Waka Flocka Flame, 5. Both
May 3rd
4 notes
Fatness Tip
If something is high in protein, consume it. Any unwanted sugar or fat will be burned off while you pace around the bench trying to pump yourself up for the next set, strut towards the mirror, and pinch your stomach as you wonder aloud what happened. 
May 3rd
2 notes
I used to think people who were inspired by Kim Kardashian or Reverend Run’s tweets were idiots, but then I realized I briefly modeled my diet after @DadBoner’s and joined a gym because of a fake Dustin Hoffman account that talks about pickup basketball.
May 2nd
3 notes